Izarra sent me a link with "You must watch this Chu.. It reminds me so much of Marisa". The link had Me Before you caption attached to it. I was holding on to my phone when I read her message and I decided that anything that reminds me of Marisa requires me to sit down.
I clicked on the link and heard British accents and I knew I was going to love whatever the next 2 1/2 minutes had to offer. The beginning of the clip immediately reminded me of Marisa . A stunningly gorgeous guy in a wheelchair who I assumed felt he didn't much in life. He was to fall in love with his caregiver cum companion. I think towards halfway into the trailer Ed Sheeran's "Photograph" came on and that's when my waterworks started . Ok... I'm like that now. I can cry whenever wherever . It was Marisa's favorite song and Ed Sheeran's album X was the last CD we bought her . We practically listened to him on replay because she loved the album so so much . Whenever I listen to Ed Sheeran the last few month's of Marisa's life flashed by me. I keep thinking how I wished she'd found love either than her family. I wished she'd have found her Prince Charming she continuously asked me about. She didn't !! She had our unconditional love which I pray so hard was enough for the 18 years of her beautiful life .
Anyhow, after watching the trailer on repeat and crying I decided that I must read the book before the movie comes out .
I went from one store to another to another and there was none at all!! Seriously !! No even one !! I wanted to read something that I knew Marisa would love. Marisa and I have this thing that we love books that is a reflection of her life .
Nicholas Sparks was one of her favourites of course . I love 'My sister's keeper'. Reminder to myself of the importance of letting go. That she(Kate) died only when her mother accepted the fact that she didn't want to live anymore. I felt in some way that's how Marisa felt. She grew too ill to keep on living but fought so hard because she knew it would break our heart if she left. The thing is all of us will die one day. That's inevitable and that's a promise that Allah has made us. Afterlife and uncertainty of where we'll be placed scares me. I can only imagine how she felt living with an illness that supposedly gave her a 'ticket' to a shorter life than everyone else. Everyday waking up and thinking is today the day I die? I thought about it everyday when she deteriorated. Waking up in the morning and rushing to her room , poking her while she sleeps and pray hard that she'll stir. A big relief when she does and I'll go back to my room for my morning prayers to thank God for letting me share this one more day with her.
She on the other hand loved 'Fault in our stars'. Maybe a more relatable book to her. An terminally ill teenager's obsession with one particular book and how she fell in love with one like her. She loved her books too but she never found the kind of love Hazel did . She has mine , Mazeed's and everyone else who knew her. That's a pretty long list. In that, she was truly truly blessed. She might have found love in her other life. And much much more I'm sure. Me, I'm still here and I do wish I could go through it all with her. But I believe and have faith that Allah has much much better plans for her.
Well, I finally found the book. Alhamdulillah. After months of searching I found it ! I'm now going to live vicariously through the guy on the wheelchair. (Will is his name I think.). And I will most probably keep thinking about how Marisa would love this book and how we'd talk about it , wait for the premiere date and go watch the movie together. I'm going to do all those. Everything that I used to do with her I'm going to do with my other kids . AND I'm going to drag Mazeed along. For now, I'm going to hop on the bed and start reading........
I clicked on the link and heard British accents and I knew I was going to love whatever the next 2 1/2 minutes had to offer. The beginning of the clip immediately reminded me of Marisa . A stunningly gorgeous guy in a wheelchair who I assumed felt he didn't much in life. He was to fall in love with his caregiver cum companion. I think towards halfway into the trailer Ed Sheeran's "Photograph" came on and that's when my waterworks started . Ok... I'm like that now. I can cry whenever wherever . It was Marisa's favorite song and Ed Sheeran's album X was the last CD we bought her . We practically listened to him on replay because she loved the album so so much . Whenever I listen to Ed Sheeran the last few month's of Marisa's life flashed by me. I keep thinking how I wished she'd found love either than her family. I wished she'd have found her Prince Charming she continuously asked me about. She didn't !! She had our unconditional love which I pray so hard was enough for the 18 years of her beautiful life .
Anyhow, after watching the trailer on repeat and crying I decided that I must read the book before the movie comes out .
I went from one store to another to another and there was none at all!! Seriously !! No even one !! I wanted to read something that I knew Marisa would love. Marisa and I have this thing that we love books that is a reflection of her life .
Nicholas Sparks was one of her favourites of course . I love 'My sister's keeper'. Reminder to myself of the importance of letting go. That she(Kate) died only when her mother accepted the fact that she didn't want to live anymore. I felt in some way that's how Marisa felt. She grew too ill to keep on living but fought so hard because she knew it would break our heart if she left. The thing is all of us will die one day. That's inevitable and that's a promise that Allah has made us. Afterlife and uncertainty of where we'll be placed scares me. I can only imagine how she felt living with an illness that supposedly gave her a 'ticket' to a shorter life than everyone else. Everyday waking up and thinking is today the day I die? I thought about it everyday when she deteriorated. Waking up in the morning and rushing to her room , poking her while she sleeps and pray hard that she'll stir. A big relief when she does and I'll go back to my room for my morning prayers to thank God for letting me share this one more day with her.
She on the other hand loved 'Fault in our stars'. Maybe a more relatable book to her. An terminally ill teenager's obsession with one particular book and how she fell in love with one like her. She loved her books too but she never found the kind of love Hazel did . She has mine , Mazeed's and everyone else who knew her. That's a pretty long list. In that, she was truly truly blessed. She might have found love in her other life. And much much more I'm sure. Me, I'm still here and I do wish I could go through it all with her. But I believe and have faith that Allah has much much better plans for her.
Well, I finally found the book. Alhamdulillah. After months of searching I found it ! I'm now going to live vicariously through the guy on the wheelchair. (Will is his name I think.). And I will most probably keep thinking about how Marisa would love this book and how we'd talk about it , wait for the premiere date and go watch the movie together. I'm going to do all those. Everything that I used to do with her I'm going to do with my other kids . AND I'm going to drag Mazeed along. For now, I'm going to hop on the bed and start reading........