I've been good and busy. Busy is exactly what I need. But today for some reason even when I was extremely busy I'm feeling slightly down. Could be because I have this little project of my own and I have to scan through Marisa's pictures. Someone suggested I should. Maybe it's a form of preservation of what is physically left of Marisa. All these photographs of her. Scanning through her birth till the age of roughly one and a half so far...... She was a gorgeous gorgeous baby and I don't care to explain the fact that I'm biased. I miss her more than normal today. Another contributing factor could be that it's been 22 weeks since she passed . I'm better but I feel the same. I don't even know how to explain that sentence. I don't know how I'm SUPPOSED to feel . I just know what I feel. The feeling that my life has moved on but it's incomplete. Honestly I don't know how I have time for sadness as today was an exceptionally busy day. Then I realised no matter what I do or where I am , my heart is with me ....... So all the people i love is with me. She is with me. There's no running from matters of the heart.
I was so glad the girls were tired and went to bed early. I got ready to sleep, climbed on the bed with my laptop and turned on the TV. Fault in our Stars was about to start. I remember two specific things about the movie.
1) Marisa was so excited that it was going to be shown on TV . "Mum, we have to tape it!!!". The thing is , she passed away before it they showed it. I watched it alone on Fox Movies.
2) She loved the book so much she got me read it. I loved it. I read it till early in the morning and cried from the part Augustus died right to the end of the book.That was a lot of pages...... I remember rambling on about the book with her the next morning when she woke up. She loved it when I got excited about the books she read.For her it's like being in a book club where we get to discuss what we just read. It's something to keep her going in the world of hers. Books are the only way for her to live another persons life. In this book ,it was the need be loved by another besides her family.I knew she would have liked it even if she never said it. She came to the point in her life where she needed a companion and I knew in my heart I was not enough. The thing is I couldn't help her there.
As I'm watching the movie now I have lovely memories of her. Of her love for reading , movies and life. And I'm glad I managed to read the book and share what meant a lot to her.
I was so glad the girls were tired and went to bed early. I got ready to sleep, climbed on the bed with my laptop and turned on the TV. Fault in our Stars was about to start. I remember two specific things about the movie.
1) Marisa was so excited that it was going to be shown on TV . "Mum, we have to tape it!!!". The thing is , she passed away before it they showed it. I watched it alone on Fox Movies.
2) She loved the book so much she got me read it. I loved it. I read it till early in the morning and cried from the part Augustus died right to the end of the book.That was a lot of pages...... I remember rambling on about the book with her the next morning when she woke up. She loved it when I got excited about the books she read.For her it's like being in a book club where we get to discuss what we just read. It's something to keep her going in the world of hers. Books are the only way for her to live another persons life. In this book ,it was the need be loved by another besides her family.I knew she would have liked it even if she never said it. She came to the point in her life where she needed a companion and I knew in my heart I was not enough. The thing is I couldn't help her there.
As I'm watching the movie now I have lovely memories of her. Of her love for reading , movies and life. And I'm glad I managed to read the book and share what meant a lot to her.