My mum has become quite IT savvy lately. I get messages from her off and on. She texted me last night asking me about my headaches and if I was feeling better. A mum is a mum. It doesn't matter how old I am she still wants to know that I'm ok. We were texting each other and she wrote "Tomorrow is Dania's birthday. It's also the anniversary of Ayah's death." I suddenly felt the heaviness in her heart. I can imagine her feelings and how she's reminiscing the death of my father as we're texting each other. I remember it too. It was very hard on her. My dad died on the birthday of his eldest grand daughter, Dania on the 7th April 1993. Ten days short of my mum's birthday, at the age of 57. He just retired from the government service and was just about to 'begin' life with mum. That was exactly 24 years ago.
It was very early in the morning and I had just dressed when I heard my mum screaming. It didn't sound right and I thought "Did Ayah have a heart attack?" He was just diagnosed with a weak heart a few moths before. The screaming went on and I ran to my parents room . Their room was still locked and I banged on the door. Mum opened the door and said "Ayah dah takde... Ayah dah takde...." she repeated it over and over again like she needed to convince herself that her husband just died. I ran straight to their bed and saw was my dad laying there. Still. Both hands placed on top of each other and looking at peace. I shook him . i touched him . He was still warm but he never responded. He was just lying there with his eyes shut...My mum is in shock and I think I blocked out everything when I realised that my father has passed on.
I was still a teenager and I didn't know what to do or what had to be done. First time experiencing death and it was my father's.
I remember that a doctor came to verify his death, people from the mosque came and carried his body down and lots of people came to pay his their last respect. I didn't do much but I observed. My mum fainted several times. She was crying for so so long that I thought she would never stop. Friends and neighbours came to give their support and I didn't know what to do. I called my bestfriend and she thought I was kidding because I was just telling her that my dad had friends over for Raya the night before. He was fine. He was chatting, he ate , he was his normal self. It was still in early stages of Syawal so we had lots of relatives and friends over. The only thing I remember was that he was tired but I thought that was because of the entertaining.
The whole time I was in shock and it didn't hit me that he is actually gone. Too much happening in the house and all I did was watch and followed instructions. I wore the black kurung. I sat quietly next to his body and watched people come and go. Through it all my mum was still crying.
I had lost the one man who loved me unconditionally. My father. What I remember most was that he always chose to advise me in the car. I asked him why he always does it during a car rides together. His reply was "So you can't run into your room and you have no where else to go". So yes, car rides with Ayah is filled with advise, stories of his youth, lectures and best of all singing. He loved to sing. It was the one time his girls had no choice but to sit and listen to him. He gave very good advice but of course , at that age we never appreciated it. He would also pick me up from school and we'd have lunch together . Just the two of us. He was a doting dad as he was a husband.
When my parents would get ready for dinner I'd lie on their bed and watch them. Ayah would sit on the stool and Mum would put her make up on. He never said much but I'd catch a glimpse of how he looks at my mum. the love on his face shows. He really loved my mum. He'd kiss her before he goes to work and when he comes home. Always so affectionate. Even if they did argue(which I'm sure they did) it was never to our knowledge. He kept that behind closed doors. My dad was my Prince. He made me believe in chivalry, true love and kindness. I'd like to believe that all those exists. I think it does because my dad was it. Thats how I saw him and how I will always see him.
My mum talks about my dad all the time . Reminiscing about little details. As their four daughters are adults now she listens to us talk about our husbands. She insists that we must prioritize them. Whenever we visit her , she will always remind us to be attentive to our spouses even before her. She taught us that because she was that to my dad. My parents were also firm on education and being independent so that we could have a bright future ahead of us.
I do feel her when she talks about Ayah because she no longer has that partner she can talk to. Someone to complain to and someone to just be there. I try to count my blessings. I value the moments when Mazeed just listens to me going on and on about my day. Mum doesn't have that anymore and she always talks about how much she misses her time with my dad.
I try. I try so hard to appreciate everyone around me even though the truth is it's so easy to be angry and irritated about everything and everyone. I tell myself at least I have someone to talk to , someone to fight with , someone to eat with and even someone to just be in the room with me without uttering a word to each other. That is all a blessing we take for granted.
My mum has had a fairly good life after my dad's passing. Her life is filled with her four daughters, grandchildren and great grand children. When she talks to me I get that her life will never be complete without my dad. No one can replace him. As a husband and as a father. She has moved on with but with the need to talk about him to remind herself that she once had a man who loved her unconditionally.
I do too. With Marisa...Moving on without Marisa with the memory and love and holds strongly in my heart. That cannot be replaced. It's good to think of others because it'll remind you how lucky you are.
To my dad who left us 24 years ago, we miss you. I still remember the day you died and the days you lived. May Allah bless your soul. To Dania , Happy Birthday !!
It was very early in the morning and I had just dressed when I heard my mum screaming. It didn't sound right and I thought "Did Ayah have a heart attack?" He was just diagnosed with a weak heart a few moths before. The screaming went on and I ran to my parents room . Their room was still locked and I banged on the door. Mum opened the door and said "Ayah dah takde... Ayah dah takde...." she repeated it over and over again like she needed to convince herself that her husband just died. I ran straight to their bed and saw was my dad laying there. Still. Both hands placed on top of each other and looking at peace. I shook him . i touched him . He was still warm but he never responded. He was just lying there with his eyes shut...My mum is in shock and I think I blocked out everything when I realised that my father has passed on.
I was still a teenager and I didn't know what to do or what had to be done. First time experiencing death and it was my father's.
I remember that a doctor came to verify his death, people from the mosque came and carried his body down and lots of people came to pay his their last respect. I didn't do much but I observed. My mum fainted several times. She was crying for so so long that I thought she would never stop. Friends and neighbours came to give their support and I didn't know what to do. I called my bestfriend and she thought I was kidding because I was just telling her that my dad had friends over for Raya the night before. He was fine. He was chatting, he ate , he was his normal self. It was still in early stages of Syawal so we had lots of relatives and friends over. The only thing I remember was that he was tired but I thought that was because of the entertaining.
The whole time I was in shock and it didn't hit me that he is actually gone. Too much happening in the house and all I did was watch and followed instructions. I wore the black kurung. I sat quietly next to his body and watched people come and go. Through it all my mum was still crying.
I had lost the one man who loved me unconditionally. My father. What I remember most was that he always chose to advise me in the car. I asked him why he always does it during a car rides together. His reply was "So you can't run into your room and you have no where else to go". So yes, car rides with Ayah is filled with advise, stories of his youth, lectures and best of all singing. He loved to sing. It was the one time his girls had no choice but to sit and listen to him. He gave very good advice but of course , at that age we never appreciated it. He would also pick me up from school and we'd have lunch together . Just the two of us. He was a doting dad as he was a husband.
When my parents would get ready for dinner I'd lie on their bed and watch them. Ayah would sit on the stool and Mum would put her make up on. He never said much but I'd catch a glimpse of how he looks at my mum. the love on his face shows. He really loved my mum. He'd kiss her before he goes to work and when he comes home. Always so affectionate. Even if they did argue(which I'm sure they did) it was never to our knowledge. He kept that behind closed doors. My dad was my Prince. He made me believe in chivalry, true love and kindness. I'd like to believe that all those exists. I think it does because my dad was it. Thats how I saw him and how I will always see him.
My mum talks about my dad all the time . Reminiscing about little details. As their four daughters are adults now she listens to us talk about our husbands. She insists that we must prioritize them. Whenever we visit her , she will always remind us to be attentive to our spouses even before her. She taught us that because she was that to my dad. My parents were also firm on education and being independent so that we could have a bright future ahead of us.
I do feel her when she talks about Ayah because she no longer has that partner she can talk to. Someone to complain to and someone to just be there. I try to count my blessings. I value the moments when Mazeed just listens to me going on and on about my day. Mum doesn't have that anymore and she always talks about how much she misses her time with my dad.
I try. I try so hard to appreciate everyone around me even though the truth is it's so easy to be angry and irritated about everything and everyone. I tell myself at least I have someone to talk to , someone to fight with , someone to eat with and even someone to just be in the room with me without uttering a word to each other. That is all a blessing we take for granted.
My mum has had a fairly good life after my dad's passing. Her life is filled with her four daughters, grandchildren and great grand children. When she talks to me I get that her life will never be complete without my dad. No one can replace him. As a husband and as a father. She has moved on with but with the need to talk about him to remind herself that she once had a man who loved her unconditionally.
I do too. With Marisa...Moving on without Marisa with the memory and love and holds strongly in my heart. That cannot be replaced. It's good to think of others because it'll remind you how lucky you are.
To my dad who left us 24 years ago, we miss you. I still remember the day you died and the days you lived. May Allah bless your soul. To Dania , Happy Birthday !!