I haven't blogged for a while. Not sure why when I actually have a lot to say. Not sure whether me writing about Marisa would bore the readers or even if it's healthy for me . Sometimes it feels it's better if I just keep it to myself but I know there are people who likes to read about it. So the best I guess is to write when I feel I should......
Life has progressively moved on with some challenges. Some days better than rest. Life always moves on , that's what life is about. Ramadhan has come and gone. i look forward to next year when Mazeed, Mazhar and I go for our terawikh together.Something very spiritual about walking towards the mosque. Very soon Mazhar will go off and I'll only have my two younger girls to keep me busy.
We were planning to go away for Raya. That was until I saw that most of the flights and hotel rooms has been marked up close to 100% just during raya. And that's our fault for waiting till last minute to go away so weighing everything in , it was best to stay home.
We've never really celebrated Hari Raya. It's the same ritual of my in laws place then my mum's then back home. Marisa would be tired by then and would need to take a rest. This year we had no plans. My mum and sister was away and my other sister was flying off later that day. So after Solat Raya we went to my in laws and hung around there. After a short while I could see the sadness in Mazeed's face. He moved from one corner to another without saying much. Suddenly he said "Let's go somewhere." I'm wondering "Where?" We've never really gone beraya-ing and I'm not sure where to go. Then I said " We could go to my sister's ....Her flight isn't till late." I could see that all he wanted was to be out and be kept busy. We need to keep busy. Being at my in laws brought too much sadness as it reminds us of Marisa. She'd be sitting on her wheelchair eating food that is not to her taste but knows that raya is all about the ketupats and rendangs. I know she'd rather eat pasta.
We just hopped on the car and decided in the car where to go. We ended going to my sister's in laws, my sisters, Mazeed's friend then at night to my brother in laws place. It felt odd to be so mobile. House hopping and catching up with everyone. Mazeed's face lit up slightly being distracted with all the open houses . Mazhar has been extra down during Ramadhan and I..... I am a mum who thinks of her everyday, misses her everyday but knows that our world is not her world. I still pray for her as I do the rest of my family. I've gone on with my life with sadness and happiness. And I look forward to lots lots more of it. Even now that we've entered the second week of syawal , I hope it's not to late to wish all Selamat hari raya , maaf zahir batin.
Life has progressively moved on with some challenges. Some days better than rest. Life always moves on , that's what life is about. Ramadhan has come and gone. i look forward to next year when Mazeed, Mazhar and I go for our terawikh together.Something very spiritual about walking towards the mosque. Very soon Mazhar will go off and I'll only have my two younger girls to keep me busy.
We were planning to go away for Raya. That was until I saw that most of the flights and hotel rooms has been marked up close to 100% just during raya. And that's our fault for waiting till last minute to go away so weighing everything in , it was best to stay home.
We've never really celebrated Hari Raya. It's the same ritual of my in laws place then my mum's then back home. Marisa would be tired by then and would need to take a rest. This year we had no plans. My mum and sister was away and my other sister was flying off later that day. So after Solat Raya we went to my in laws and hung around there. After a short while I could see the sadness in Mazeed's face. He moved from one corner to another without saying much. Suddenly he said "Let's go somewhere." I'm wondering "Where?" We've never really gone beraya-ing and I'm not sure where to go. Then I said " We could go to my sister's ....Her flight isn't till late." I could see that all he wanted was to be out and be kept busy. We need to keep busy. Being at my in laws brought too much sadness as it reminds us of Marisa. She'd be sitting on her wheelchair eating food that is not to her taste but knows that raya is all about the ketupats and rendangs. I know she'd rather eat pasta.
We just hopped on the car and decided in the car where to go. We ended going to my sister's in laws, my sisters, Mazeed's friend then at night to my brother in laws place. It felt odd to be so mobile. House hopping and catching up with everyone. Mazeed's face lit up slightly being distracted with all the open houses . Mazhar has been extra down during Ramadhan and I..... I am a mum who thinks of her everyday, misses her everyday but knows that our world is not her world. I still pray for her as I do the rest of my family. I've gone on with my life with sadness and happiness. And I look forward to lots lots more of it. Even now that we've entered the second week of syawal , I hope it's not to late to wish all Selamat hari raya , maaf zahir batin.