My mum's birthday is coming up. She'll be 77 on the 17th April InsyaAllah. She is truly an amazing woman. She lost her husband at 53 and managed to finish off her children's schooling and marry her last two children off on her own. She never complained or even discussed with us her problems back then. We were pretty young and we carried out life on as normal without thinking much of her problems. Now that I'm much older and wiser(I hope) I don't know how she managed the long list of things she had to do on her own.
I am the youngest of 4 girls. I am the 'Adik' of the family. My sisters are the best sisters anyone can ask for. Always there in different ways. When Marisa was diagnosed, everyone worried a lot for me. I was 27 then and whether I was matured enough to make a sound medical decision was questionable. But my mum and sisters never really interfered. They were just there for me when I needed them. I was in confinement at my mum's and I remember so well when Marisa couldn't sleep and I was taking turns with Mazeed trying to put her to down. Due to our lack of experience then , my mum took over so we could try and get some sleep. When I woke up and went into her room I saw her sleeping in a sitting position with Marisa in her arms. She was that kind of a Mum and she made me realise that's what love is. A mothers love. I love my children unconditionally and it's all because of her. Because of how she loved her 4 daughters.
She loves Marisa just as much. Coming over weekly , calling regularly and buying her thoughtful gifts. She would babysit if she thought I needed a break or to have 'alone' time by myself or with Mazeed. Two days before Marisa passed away she came over for our weekly breakfast. She would come upstairs and we would have our normal catch up session so Marisa could hear. She was also in the car with my sister following the ambulance as it drove us back home. She's always there......
I'm not sure how Marisa's death her has affected her having gone through so many deaths herself. . I think she is deeply saddened that her daughter has lost a daughter. She calls on me regularly to check of my well being. We meet up reminiscing about Marisa. That's our topic now because I think it's her way of asking me to let it out. I do . I do need to talk about Marisa still. I think about her all the time still. I have my what , if's and why's. Still. Questions that will never have a answer but needs to be asked. I need to know that I haven't messed up as a mum and that I have given her my best. But looking at my mum, I pray I managed to do and be half of what she is. To be a good mum...