I regret not lying next to her often enough, I regret not telling her I love her often enough and I regret not asking how she felt often enough. That's the thing with life. We're always to busy, too tired, too much pride or too much ego to do something that actually matters. Why? We're worried that the other person will take advantage of us, that they'll know that we love them too much? Why is it so hard for us to just be nice? To be good and do what is good. I always feel it's important to love one unconditionally or as best as we could. Honestly I really did try my best for Marisa but because she's gone and that chapter of my life with her has ended, I do regret the little things. Little things that may not seem much but now feels like it could have made her life a little bit happier.....
I remember my dad would bring back Slurpee for my mum whenever he came from work.And I remember my mum would cook beriani on Fridays and we would be required to have lunch together before he goes off for his Friday prayers. On occasions , my dad would pick me up from school and we'd have lunch together. These are small things that I remember till now and I realised how something small actually means a lot. Nothing material , just love, time and effort spared for me is what I remember most.After him being gone for 22 years I still reminisce the little things we did together. My regret with my dad was that he never saw me get married and have kids. He never met Marisa. Not here . Not in this world ......
Eventhough Marisa was ill , she was the one who would always asked me how I was feeling. And she'd be the one lecturing Mazeed and the other kids how busy and tired I've been. Yup..., my child who was unable to do anything stood up for me every time . She was amazing and as I've said endless times , I just miss her . I miss talking to her the most. I'm a chatterbox. I say what is on my mind and I must say it immediately so she's the one to listen to me all day. News, how the little kids are fussy with their food , how Mazhar is not studying enough .... Basically she was my outlet and my shrink I guess !!☺️
Watching her grow was an absolute joy . Piano classes , swimming, concerts , travels, cooking , drawing, agama school, normal school . She had a normal life but just short lived . But she experienced life as best as I could give her. That is my comfort ... That I did do my best . From my experience with her, I've always believed in loving my family unconditionally . Be it my mum, sisters , husband and kids. They're only with us for so long and I will regret it if they never knew how much they mean to me. As Marisa said to me often "I love you Mummy". She's not around for me to reply anymore but in my heart it's always "I love you too sweetie Marisa. Always". Even now that you're gone you're always in my prayers, my thoughts and my heart...